My First Real Post On This Blog

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT READ ‘SKULDUGGERT PLEASANT: DEATH BRINGER’ YET. IT MAY RUIN SOME FUNNY BITS FOR YOU.

She sat.

She could hear the low ticking of her time cage and after a moment that quiet *click* of it unlocking. The click was very quiet but didn’t go unnoticed for a person of her ability. She pushed open the heavy metal door, another good thing about being dead her muscles couldn’t scream at her. She walked through the landing and padded into the bathroom, her pale feet like rocks moving across the ice-cold floor. She turned on the shower and stepped in; within seconds her hair was stuck to the back of her neck. She didn’t need to shower but she enjoyed it, she loved the way the water ran down her body and through the drain below her. Desswarph Cwash stepped out of the shower, back onto the ice-like floor and dried herself with the towel that hung from a bar on the wall. Desswarph looked at the girl staring back at her in the mirror and sighed, she missed being alive, she hadn’t been too young when she died but she wasn’t at all very old either and nowadays she was just so, so pale.  She hadn’t wanted the Sanctuary to involve her in something she had nothing to do with; she wasn’t even born when any of this had happened for god’s sake. She dressed in her usual outfit; grey skinny jeans, a waistcoat kind of top, and a leather jacket. Desswarph was about to open the bathroom door when she heard a noise that sounded like it came from the living room. Desswarph crept down the stairs deathly quiet and heard a cupboard door being banged closed. She put her ear to the kitchen door and heard someone on the phone. It sounded like a man, and Desswarph was sure it was when Billy-Ray Sanguine opened the door to find a girl standing in front of him. It took a minute to register who she was and then a white toothed smile broke across his face. Desswarph jumped at him suddenly and they fell to the floor wrestling. Desswarph punched him across the face and he jabbed her in the ribs. She gasped and grabbed her broken rib, flinching as she did. She realised her mistake too late and Sanguine kicked her in the thigh, she hit the kitchen door and collapsed. She managed to turn her head as Sanguine knelt beside her “Desswarph, you don’t mind if I call you Dess do you?” She didn’t answer. “Great! You know why I’m here don’t you? Yeah I figured as much. Look li’l darlin’ I’m here ‘cause you have somethin’ my boss needs, and you know exactly what I’m talkin’ about don’t you?” He pressed his straight razor against her throat and she could just see the initials’ ‘B-R S’ carved into the blade. She didn’t dare swallow just in case. “Yup I got a funny feelin’ that you do. The Mirror Of The Worlds aint that right darlin’? A mirror that allows the person in possession to travel to wherever they want on Earth and wherever they want on the many other planets. Aint that just great? A teleportation devise, and look what we have here.” He reached for the chain that was tied around her neck. She didn’t know what was happening, Desswarph had heard a crash like glass breaking and then a yelp and Sanguine’s blade was gone. She manoeuvred herself over to the nearest chair, less than a mitre away and climbed up onto it. She looked around and saw Sanguine lying unconscious on the floor with Valkyrie Cain putting handcuffs on his wrists and Skulduggery Pleasant standing to her right, his head cocked perfectly and that eyeless gaze upon her “Is it safe?” He asked. She nodded her reply. “How’s your broken rib?” “I guess it’s OK.” He handed her a bandage the size of her outstretched hand. It was a disgusting vomit-carrot colour; apart from that it was a fairly normal looking bandage. He nodded his gleaming skull and picked up his fallen hat off the ground. “It’s designed to heal broken bones,” Valkyrie said joining the short conversation “it was one of Kensepekles inventions before, well you know.” Desswarph sighed and got up wobbling slightly. Skulduggery put a gloved hand out to steady her. “Thanks” She whispered and walked slowly over to the counter “tea?”Desswarph asked while putting the kettle on “No thanks,” Valkyrie continued “were still on an investigation, kinda busy. Thanks anyway” “Right” Valkyrie’s phone rang and she walked out of the room to answer it. Skulduggery started to pick up the glass from the broken window while Desswarph poured the boiled water into her mug, put a spoonful of sugar in it, added the milk and stirred in continuous circles. Valkyrie walked back in “Skulduggery we have to go, Ghastly needs to talk to us in person and he says it’s important” “Right. Sorry about the window Desswarph, I’ll pay to get it fixed.” Desswarph grunted something through a mouthful of tea that sounded like ‘fine with me.’ Desswarph swallowed her tea. “You’d better run along then, you wouldn’t want to be late for a meeting with His Almighty Holiness now would you?” Skulduggery barked a laugh “I agree with you there, His Glorious Magesticness would not be very happy with that.” “Bye Skulduggery, bye Val.” “Bye Dess” Valkyrie said, walking out of the house towards the Bentley and waving. Skulduggery followed her out of the house taking Sanguine with him, unlocked the car and threw him in the boot. He got behind the wheel, started the car and drove off. Desswarph allowed herself to smile for the first time that morning, despite the fact that she was attacked by a man nearly twice her size and set about looking for a plastic bag to cover up the window with.